I KNOW WHO KILLED ME.

My name is Jim Huckleberry growing up, I think I always knew what I wanted to be, I was young, I was innocent, I saw the world in light blue and pink. I was happy, I was enthusiastic I looked at life as sweet as caramel chocolate and as soft as silk. I would stand in front of the mirror with a comb in my hand singing to the music of prince and Michael Jackson. Oh yea I know who i wanted to be, I wanted to be like them, to be an artiste, an artist, a performer, an interpreter, I wanted to express myself and my art on a worldwide stage. I wanted to be invisible yet known around the world.
As I grew older I become aware, and afraid and foolish. I started to know right from wrong and boundaries and reality and hate and love. I started to experience unhappiness not only from myself but from other people around. The world was not light blue and pink anymore the world was black, so dark and so black. It was strong enough to erase light and possibilities and hopes and dreams. And yea I did try to hold that comb and stand in front of that mirror and listen to prince and Micheal Jackson. But this time, I now felt foolish, the age of innocent was so far gone, I was not six year old anymore, I was now foolish and Aware.
I died when I made a life changing decision to move away from my dreams, and be a slave to society. I can remember when I talked to the woman that bore me about what I wanted to do with my life. She did not have to discourage me or beg me to go to college, to go to school, not to disappoint her, not embarrass her, I could see it in her shinny brown eyes. I could see and feel her concerns and her fear and her love. I melted and I now became afraid and concerned not for myself of course but for her, I nodded my head in agreement shut down and died. At that moment I had killed and buried myself.
I resurrected at 24 years old after growing up again, and seeing the world in a new light having passed through different phases, seeing different people. I missed what I used to loved and decided it was time to awaken, and take a second chance and look at life. I decided to go after the things I really loved, I decided I did not want to be dead anymore. I wanted to live, I wanted to love. I wanted to arise and smell the possibilities and the hopes and joy that life has to offer. I wanted to hold that comb in my hand once again while standing in front of the mirror and not feel so aware and foolish again. I could feel it in my body and in my bones that I was alive again, I was not longer scared or afraid. I thought that is growing up not finding that courage to be foolish and not giving a care in the world? I was buried in the cold soil of doubt, fear and weakness and awoken, to removing the cobwebs of wasted years and hopes, and wiping off the dust of dreams. I am Jim huckleberry and I am alive now, and most importantly I know who killed me it was me.