It was a cold Tuesday night and Jack Browne had decided to end his miserable life, he was beat down, broken and depressed. Jack Browne felt overwhelming pressure to live up to his parents, society’s and also life’s expectation. Life had been unfair to him; nothing had really worked out for him. He often felt as though the walls were closing in on him, he felt he could not breathe, he felt he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Jack also felt unloved and was not in love that probably made his decision to end his life easier. How was he supposed to be this successful, intelligent superhuman that his family hoped he would be when he was a failure. He was not doing well in school, he was not doing well in pretty much anything. Jack could not find just one thing he was passionate about, something he really wanted more than anything else, something he saw himself doing in the future
Jack thought of different ways to commit suicide. At first he thought of jumping off a bridge, with a heavy heart and feeling like his skinny legs weighed more than his whole body, he walked and finally approached the bridge. He looked down and with blurry vision that was caused by the tears that filled his eyes he saw the river below. Jack could not do jump, as much as he wanted to end his life he could somehow not bring himself to do it.
He tried hanging himself and dying by asphyxiation, but his hands were so shaky he could not even tie a knot in the rope to hang himself. He decided he was going to get a gun and eventually kill himself. He said to himself “one finger on the trigger and then boom”. He will be gone before he knew it. He did eventually get a gun and hid it, jack waited until everyone was gone and locked himself up in his room. His hands shaky, his palms sweaty, he loaded the gun. He put just one bullet in the gun just enough to put him out of his misery.
He pointed the gun to his head, with a finger on the trigger, and a second a way from death he had already made up his mind. This was the day he was going to leave this world, this was the day his pain, sorrow and confusion will end, and this was the day that no one will expect anything from him. He was going to be dead. He mustered enough courage with his heart beating, and his mouth drying up he pulled the trigger and then he heard a loud shot. Jack went blank for a second that felt like an hour, he could not hear or even feel anything. In this state he saw his life flash before his eyes, if he killed himself he would have denied himself that chance to become a better person; To turn his life around, to figure out what he really wanted out of life, to achieve his goals, to make his parents proud and also to be proud of himself. Then finally he realized that he was still holding the gun, he had not pulled the trigger and he was still standing and still breathing.
It then occurred to Jack that he had killed himself he had beating himself down, he had allowed life to beat him down. He had allowed himself to believe that he could not be any better than who he was. He has allowed himself to believe that death was a way out.
This was the turning point in jack browne’s life. He decided to be a better person, he decided to get the very best out of this unfair and cruel world. He decided to live.
No comments:
Post a Comment